These past few days have been a mixed turmoil for me. I feel like I’m losing faith in You. I feel like You are not answering my prayers. At the same time I understand why You are not answering my prayers. I have not loved You the way You want. I can even argue with myself whether or not I love You at all. Its hard to do the right thing. Its also easy to do the right thing if I would walk in the Spirit. Walking in the flesh and trying to do the right thing is always difficult. Forgive me for walking in the flesh. Forgive me that over the past few days I did not earnestly seek You with my whole heart. Forgive me for praying to You selfishly. Forgive me.
I have been asking that Nastia goes into labor and yet nothing was happening. I have begun looking into options such as spicy food, lots of exercises, and maybe today we will try castor oil. However, I don’t want to put my hope in anything else but You. You are my hope. You are my strength. I want that to be true in my life always. I want to never forget that. I want to live like that.
Let me pray again. Perhaps this time I have less faith. Perhaps this time I am sad. Perhaps this time I don’t feel as if I am entitled to something from You for my righteousness. I’m not entitled to anything. I am a big sinner who damages his relationship with Christ by walking in the flesh. Forgive me God. Cleanse me. Repair my righteous spirit and open my mind.
I pray for my wife Nastia. I pray that You protect her. I pray that You will put Your merciful hand upon us and forgive us our sins that we committed. Forgive our disobedience both to You and to our parents. Forgive our lack of walking in the flesh. It is mostly my fault. I am the leader in the family. Please protect Nastia. Please be with her when she goes into labor and please let her go into labor soon. Please.
We have begun to worry. I have realized that I just assumed that she would go into labor close to her due date. I was so proud and so at fault for thinking that. I kept assuming that our birth would be something better than anyone else’s and that we were better than other people. Please forgive me. Please open my eyes and help me realize that I am no different from other people. Help me realize that. Help me see the truth of my actual situation in life and not live in my own self-made fantasy. Please!
Please let Nastia go into labor soon. I am praying for a natural birth. I want You to start those contractions Yourself. I want You to guide her body along the way her body was designed. We don’t understand anything. We don’t know anything. We are hopeless to even try to change something. Science doesn’t know to this day what it is the triggers women to go into labor naturally. What I know is this: We go into labor when the Lord decides to. It doesn’t matter if the doctors try or not, when the Lord says the baby is ready to go into labor, then it happens.
I believe in You. I have been having my doubts about You answering my prayers but I will not let that sway me in the slightest. You are my God. You will take care of me. Perhaps I am simply asking for something that is worse for us and I just don’t realize it. That is why I put my trust in You. You are making me a strong and humble man. That is what I need anyway. Continue to do Your work and put my faith through the fire. I want my faith to be strong and pure. I pray in Your name, please.
I pray that you would help me and Nastia walk before You in righteousness. Sometimes we get to carried away watching T.V. and not reading enough bible. Sometimes we get carried away doing earthly things. At night when we pray we often pray tired prayers. We read tired chapters. Sometimes we don’t even hear what we read about. I have ideas of getting together and singing at night. But we never do. Partly due to the fact that I am a terrible leader, and partly due to another fact that my spiritual walk before You is suffering. That should not be so. I do not want my baby to grow up in a family with a weak spiritual leader for a father. I also want my wife to be able to trust me in my leadership. I don’t want to be a spiritual baby who needs or seeks leadership from others.
Help me not worry about earthly things and to seek the Kingdom of God. That is where my focus should be every day. I pray in Your name. Please be with us. Bless my wife. Send her into labor very soon. Give us the baby girl that we desire. I always put my trust in You. Not in the doctors or medicines. I put my trust in You.