Dear God,

I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to You. I am such a sinner. Everyday I prove to myself what a deep sinner I am. Yet You are still so merciful to me and You continue to send your blessings on my life. I fear Your mercy will one day end and I will be lost.

Father in heaven. Why do I not come to You? Why don’t I pray and read the bible? Why am I fighting sin all on my own. I fail every time. I have developed deep sinful habits and my sensitivity to sin is decreasing. I feel like I’m covered in filth and that parts of my body have absorbed the filth into my skin so that it is almost impossible to remove and clean it. Who can come save me? I know there is one person who can, but its almost as if I have become so lazy that I don’t even bother to ask Him. I am dying in my filth, yet I’m too lazy to ask Jesus to help me.

What has happened to me? Am I really doomed to fail. Will I never walk with Jesus again. Will I only call to Him from a distance and never actually reach Him? Will I continue like a pig to live the way I do, too lazy to fight the devil, too lazy to pray, too lazy to connect to the Vine of Life? Yes, now I know that laziness is a sin. It is. No doubt at all.

In this prayer I only ask for one thing. I know that you will forgive me, and I have begun to take your mercy for granted. I do not know if it is a good or bad thing. But I ask for a change. I do not know what change I will need, but I know that a change is definitely needed. Give me the change that I need to have. Anything you want. Change me. Please change me. Please stop this endless downward spiral to hell that my life is on.

I pray that you will help my laziness to accept the change.

Thank you for my wonderful loving wife Nastia. Bless her health and her spiritual life. Give her success in everything that she decides to do. Give her even more wisdom and understanding than she already has. Thank you for my children, Annabel and Benjamin. Protect them on this journey of life and teach them valuable life lessons that I will never be able to share with them. They deserve a better human father than me. Make me the kind of father that they deserve.

Thank you for sending me the sermon yesterday. I know that it is directly from You and I know that You are always looking out for me. What a wonderful God You are.

Amen.